Sometimes in the shower i cry and remember that i have visited Portland and hated it. i think of dreams i used to have. i remember wanting a savings account. i remember or make up a memory of some beige art school and i worry about ending up selling wooden ducks in a craft shop.Read More
my gender is the number of times i've been raped
divided by the number of times i've tried to reclaim the body
i was born into minus the dreams i have had
where i was stardust or a tree or the rain or didn't exist at all.
i’m made of old nails and fluorescent light
like a fixture in an absurd film about a solipsist.
i’m some sort of houseplant,
or a loaf of bread.
anything to get through the night.
god gave me birds for bones
and they have come home to roost
i bruise on the inside of my mouth
tongue blooded to teeth
gums rotted soft next to powder teeth
i am a diet flower that won't survive the winter
i am a love poem for people dying of feelings
i am a rare squid with arms
in the shape
used to be a person
my throat is a ghost
bell jar containing:
i used to get stuck in doorways
now, i compulsively cut off my hair.
not cutting off my eyebrows too is a small victory.
the hair cutting started in college
when my head felt heavy and
i said that it was the hair that lay in curls most
of the way down to my ass that was the problem.
not so much in curls really as in the kind of matted frizz
of someone who used body wash as shampoo.
i have never heard Beyonce but i have drank enough wine
to know the difference between falling in love and moving to Oakland for no reason.
after dark we met in a school parking
lot smoke some music and listen to
we eat our souls when there's no bread
dance on roses and forget the factory
i am child of no one
raised by peanut butter sandwiches made in the dark
dare not for jelly
goodnight was hope for the bed not the stairs
not the front porch
not the floor